Charity is not charity....

So, I've been planning this blog entry since before Christmas.

Literally,


But--I've felt SO emotionally "charged" about it, that I thought I'd better wait until I could calm down some.

See, if there is one thing about the "culture" of my own church that DRIVES ME absolutely nuts, it is this:

that people do not truly understand charity. We have lessons about the "pure love of Christ" all the time. But, so many of us (yes, I include myself in this) just don't truly get it.

Of course, it drives me nuts that people think that charity is "free" or without conditions--which it is not. You cannot truly experience charity (the pure love of Christ) without following the conditions outlined by the Lord to do so.

But, what also drives me nuts, is that people just don't understand charity in general. Most have a view of it being "I pay more fast offerings, thus I am charitable". Or, "I give service, which makes me feel good (ultimately this is what we think/feel--admit it!), and I have charity."

Or, especially for those who already have a lot (which ultimately is most everyone in the US), it is "I find some poor, pathetic soul whom I feel sorry for, and give them charity, feel good about myself, and that is charity". Although, another major misunderstanding about charity, especially with SOME families dealing with disabilities is "our child is OUR burden, so we will not share our child, will not help them fulfill their full potential, we will just make them our family "angel" or "mascot", feel sorry for them, increase pity, and we are thus, being charitable". It doesn't help that then other people, especially usually ward members, who have NEVER truly offered service or charity to the family, and do not have ANY concept of what they are going through, nor are REALLY willing to find out for themselves, will say things like "oh my gosh, you have so many burdens cause of your kid. And you are SO amazing!" Bleck, bleck , bleck, bleck, bleck!!! BLECK!!!!! What a bunch of BUNK!!!!

NONE of this is charity, people!!! None of it. And, although I do honor our wonderful general authorities, pitiful (PITY-FULL) stories and LDS comercials showing "amazing" stories about people with disabilities, and the others who "serve" them MAKE IT WORSE!!!! Why don't they ever create a video of a person with disability being a "regular" person--not "overcoming" their trials? Why must they and their families always be made to be "amazing"? And, why, why, why are families who can ultimately (and usually financially) able to offer their child SO MUCH MORE allowed to enslave a family member (usually the martyred mother), and allowed to leave their child/adult with a disability on a couch or in front of video games, NEVER fulfilling any more potential than that? Why aren't church leaders trained to better understand what these families are going through, and that if the ward is ultimately going to truly be charitable, their (the ward's) responsibility is not just to "help" the family, but help them learn that there is more to "potential" then sitting on a couch or playing video games (yes, I have personal experience with such things). And don't give me that crap "oh, they can't do anything else"--cause I KNOW better!!!! I've SEEN better--even with people with some of the MOST severe disabilities!!! The Lord didn't send that child to the family so the child/adult could be their "angel"--He sent that child so he/she can have the opportunity to meet their greatest potential in this life (and sitting on the couch, not able to do anything else because of other people's choice to disable them, is NOT their greatest potential, especially in this day and age!!!!)

Anyway--obviously, you can see I have major feelings about this. I used to buy into these lame excuses for charity---even the "angel" stories. But, strangely enough, none of it ever felt "right". It all felt wrong. But, I just didn't know what else charity could be.

Then,I became a teacher. And, I experienced it. What real charity is---what it should be. I experienced those days where I pushed and pushed a child academically, or to improve their behavior. Others who wanted to be "charitable" would try to just excuse the child "oh, but they have such a severe disability", and I'd say "BULL CRAP"! Because I realized that their behavior or lack of academic progress had NOTHING to do with their disability, but EVERYTHING to do with excuses. I saw students with significant disabilities TEACH others, out of the pure love of Christ, and saw others really learn from them. I saw how ultimately, what my students wanted was life, learning, and opportunity--NOT pitiful excuses for charity. I saw and experienced personally how my students (with and WITHOUT disabilities) could truly have charity for each other. AND, I also saw the reality that this is what we all need and want. I've seen lots and lots of BULL happen in education because of these incorrect ideas about charity--mainly cause people claim they "want" more. Or, they don't truly care about the education of the kiddos (or the kiddos don't care). But, ultimately what I've seen is excuses. I've seen most take the "easier" road--calling it charity for their own kids, or other's kids (and yes, I've seen it from both teachers, parents, and others), forgetting all the other children involved. Or just not care....and let me not even get started on welfare in the church and outside of it. This lovely assumption some people make, that if people need food stamps or something their just lazy....that everyone on disability is just lazy, waiting to suck the government dry...yea--really charitable for people (especially heard ALL of these comments from church members and leaders), when they themselves often have NEVER experienced what it is truly like to have a child with a severe disability or health problem, no insurance, bad insurance, be unemployed with a kid with these issues, have a disability themselves, etc.....

Anyway--I'm totally on my soap box. My point is this. Charity is NOT charity without DIGNITY!!! That is what is missing in all of these situations!!!! That is why, for example, when parents who could have SO EASILY afforded better, truly put their daughter in danger by supposedly "having charity", going out and finding some homeless man, to do work for them, so upset me!!! Because, unless ALL involved in the situation leave it with dignity, it is NOT charity---but just an excuse. This especially upsets me when the actions taken are truly taken to make one's self feel better!!!

This is why the "excuses" so BUG me--why I've blogged about such stuff before. Cause if, for example, someone grabs a person with a disability and pulls them down a hill, when what they truly needed was the chance to learn how to walk down the hill by themselves, this IS NOT charity. It is NOT charitable, for example, to SAVE a child from a hard learning experience. It is NOT charitable to not share one's burdens. Nor is it charitable to ignore others burdens--especially with bull lines of "you're so amazing" or "they're just lazy". What someone is ultimately saying is "I'm so FREAKING glad that I don't have that trial--so good luck with it all by yourself, cause there is NO WAY in the world I'm going to help!"

Even just not getting fully involved in a solution (even if it means being pushy), and instead letting someone "out" of the harder lessons, and then being glad afterward that others "feel guilty" is not charity.

Anyway--I've discovered as I've been reading the New Testament that most of us in this world truly, truly do not understand how Christ truly loved---and what charity truly is. Did Christ EVER not share someone's burden? Did He EVER say "you're just so amazing", and leave it at that? Did He ever heal someone, or forgive their sins, and not leave them with dignity? EVEN when He strongly corrected the pharisees, sadchusees (sp?), and scribes---He always did it with dignity. This does not mean that He left them "off the hook" so He could avoid the correction situation. He would correct them strongly, teach them what was right, and NOT leave them "off the hook" with any means/way of escape! He often taught his disciples this same way. I recently was told by someone "well, we're not Christ". Is that comment not totally the opposite of what we're supposed to be learning in this life, to be like Christ?

So, that is my ultimate, passionate point of this entry----that actions without dignity cannot truly be charitable. Dignity does not involve feeling sorry for others, it does not involve being "pity-ful" toward others. It does not include excusing others. It does not involve helping others, especially our children, escape hard lessons. It does not mean just letting the pharisees in life off the hook.

It does mean that all involved in the charitable act should experience dignity as well. This does not mean that we do not discipline. It means we do so, as much as possible, with a true understanding of the Lord's love, the Lord's actions, and that the goal of discipline is to teach! Thus, why the Lord sometimes allows the wicked to die (or be killed) in order to save the righteous. Thus, why the Lord does not "let us off the hook" if we are unwilling to learn. Thus why the Lord is more concerned about us meeting our spiritual and learning potential, even if learning is hard, and in hard situations, than that we have the "perfect" life situations (i.e. kids in the perfect school, never experiencing anything hard--like not being the "top" of the class, etc.) Thus, also, why WE are not truly giving nor experiencing charity unless we are not acting out of pity, and also open to learning what others are going through. This is why lines like "people are just waiting to suck the government dry on disability checks" without truly finding out what that person is going through is SO not okay. But, this is also why the church's welfare system is built upon the concept of helping others to help themselves. We must remember, though, that the Lord would not "grind their faces in the dirt" while helping them learn to help themselves!

So, totally on a "soap box" forever about this! But, the ultimate point is this:

Charity is NOT charity without DIGNITY!!!!!